2013/02/26

• 
  2013.02.20
  Scènes de Montréal – Montreal Scenes
  

  Poperies

  The people of La Motte are preparing for an invasion of tourists. La Motte is a small village of around 450, located about 600 km north of Montreal. The road to get there is a long string of nothingness, scarcely inhabited except for a few villages and towns. In summer you can also find in that area a zillion zillion voracious black flies that munch on you like they haven’t eaten in weeks, leaving with parts of your skin. There was a church there but like many others in Quebec, it has been transformed into something else, in this case into a community center (centre for our European friends).

  
  Agrandir le plan

  La Motte also happens to be the birthplace of Marc Cardinal Ouellet.

  They base their optimism on another place which greatly benefitted from papalistic tourism, Marktl in southern Bavaria, which is the birthplace of Benedict XVI.

  I don’t know how to break this to them, but Marktl is surrounded by 350 million people of which one heck of a bundle are Catholics. And none of them has to cross an ocean to get to Marktl. And once you get to Marktl, you don’t have enough of a lifetime to visit all the treasures that Europe has to offer all around. Once you get to La Motte, all you can do is head in the opposite direction and return with what’s left of your body. And is it superfluous to mention that the U.S. and Canada are populated mostly by Protestants and creationist weirdos who have other ideas on how to spend their vacations? Oh well, I’ll let them dream…

  Today, Montreal’s Cardinal Jean-Claude Turcotte, in an interview before leaving for Rome, clearly mentioned that the Church needs an oil change, and said enough about Ouellet and his passage in Quebec City for us to know for whom he WON’T vote.

  Also in the news these days, stuff about a Scottish cardinal who tried to play hanky panky with some of his priests, an American one who is being asked to stay home for the sake of decency, and those reports about a gay bishops lobby in the Vatican who would be subjected to blackmail. This not to mention other stuff not to be bragged about. The Church of Rome has seen better days. This does not spell good for Marc Ouellet. Officially, these things are not taken into account, but with all the forementioned cowpats, it can be assumed that they have enough on their hands already before electing a pope whose own brother pleaded guilty in 2009 to two counts of sexual agression against teenage girls.

  

  Oscars

  Everything went as expected. Last week-end, the four film critics of my daily forecasted that Argo would win for Best Picture.. All of them also thought the award should have gone to another film, Amour for one of them, and Zero Dark Thirty for the three others. Said one of them: Argo will win because it doesn’t scratch the flag. She also mentioned as ‘disappointing’ the fact that senators and actors called Academy voters to boycott Zero Dark Thirty under the pretext that it put forward American torture practices that many would prefer to be better kept under the carpet.

  Elsewhere, in Iran, the local FARS press agency published a doctored photo of Michelle Obama where sleeves have magically appeared on her otherwise sleeveless one. If they can’t tolerate the view of a sleeveless dress, they should live with their convictions and discard the photo altogether. Or make themselves a copy for masturbating purposes. These people are pathetic. The film Argo itself has been labeled by Iran of being “anti-Iranian and fostered by Sionists”.

  

  In an unrelated but still the same somewhat related event, late night television satyrist Stephen Colbert, had this to say after a stint about Marc Ouellet being ineligible to become pope because he is a Canadian (something I would tend to agree with by the way): “After all, God’s an American,” Colbert explained. “That’s why the Bible is in English.”

  No He isn’t, God is German.

  Or Russian.

  Or French.

  Whatever…

  
  GOD IS AN AMERICAN
  By Jean-Pierre Ferland (1972)

  God is an American
  God is an American
  God is an American
  American (4x)
  Nein der Gott ist Deutsch (4x)
  Neit bog vedj rousky (4x)
  Français Françaises
  Dieu est un Français [God is a Frenchman]
  Dieu est un Français [God is a Frenchman]
  Dieu est Français [God is French]

  And God replied to them:

  You think it’s easy to choose
  With your loud mouths
  You think it’s easy to be a God
  A man, and a Holy Spirit also
  There are times when I’d set fire to all of that
  Like I did in Sodom
  Or I’d do again the trick of the tide
  Like I did to Noah
  And if I have to tell you
  In your own vocabulary
  You make me…
  And then
  You hurt St Peter’s feelings
  You make your fathers, your mothers, your brothers and your sisters cry
  And you hurt my feelings as well

  [refrain]

  You think it’s easy to sleep
  With your loud mouths
  You think it’s easy to be here,
  Elsewhere and everywhere all at once
  There are times when I’d start all over
  Without Adam and without Eve
  Only dogs and only cats
  Only fields and only woods
  And if I have to tell you again
  In your own vocabulary
  You make me…
  And then
  You hurt St Peter’s feelings
  You make your fathers, your mothers, your brothers and your sisters cry
  And you hurt my feelings as well

  [refrain]

  Ah, they’ll never understand
  Go, St Peter, cut!…

  

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